80 Reasons
by No Wishing on the Never Star
Summary: There’s eighty reasons why she's gone. Song, 80 Reasons, from local Ohio band, Citizen 18.


_Title: _80 Reasons

_Author: _No Wishing On The Never Star

_Summary: _There's eighty reasons why. Song, 80 Reasons, from local Ohio band, Citizen 18.

* * *

_**You never forget…**_

_**Oh oh oh**_

_**I'll never forget…**_

_**Oh oh oh**_

_**No, not in this lifetime**_

_**How could you take your life away,**_

_**Into a different time and space?**_

As I sit here in my office, I see the silver heart picture frame setting on top of my messy desk. It has your beautiful face placed inside the heart. I thought you'd make it; I really thought you would come out of it okay. Boy was I wrong. How could I have left you alone that night? How could you do this to me? To us?

You promised me you'd never leave me. Look at what a mess I am today…without you, my life is dull and worthless.

_**What a waste!**_

_**Don't take your life away!**_

_**I can't believe that you go…**_

_**I'll keep every memory,**_

_**Always…**_

I'll always keep you inside my heart. I remember how you used to get those cute barely-there little dimples when you smiled at me. I remember how your skin felt as we cuddled and hugged; the way your hair, when you let it grow out, got a little curl at the bottom. I can practically feel your soft, gentle lips graze my temple as I replay my last memories of you alive…

"_Alex, come here," you whispered, your soft brown eyes sparkling with love._

"_Coming, Olivia, coming," I sighed, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand as I kneeled beside your hospital bed._

"_I'm glad you sound happy to see me…," you had let your eyes wander down to watch your busy hands as they played with the blinding white comforter._

"_I'm sorry, Liv. It's been a long day at the office and we just got a new case involving little children," I took your weak, pale, cold hands in mine and stroked them gently._

_You nod sadly, your usually olive complexion now pallid and ghostly. "Why don't you eat a little, honey?" I tried to encourage you to keep your strength up. You slowly shook your head, pushing the food away childishly. I crawled in the bed beside you, taking your weak, too-skinny form into my arms. Your skin was so cold; I remember trying to keep you warm but to no avail. You were always shaking like a scared little Chihuahua puppy dog._

"_Please don't cry at my funeral," I felt you whisper weakly against the warm crook of my neck. I clenched my teeth together, feeling a sting of tears invading my already blurry eyes. I said nothing in response._

"_Please promise me you won't?"I sighed softly and nodded, holding you tighter to my body, "I promise."_

_**How was I supposed to know**_

_**That'd be your final moment.**_

_**I would have never let you go.**_

_**When I would have known,**_

_**That'd be your final breath that night.**_

_**I'd never let you go.**_

_I had gotten up from the bed after I discovered you had fallen asleep. I stretched my limbs out, rubbing the soreness away from my legs. I left the room only for a few minutes; I had to call Elliot to update him about your condition.__"Elliot Stabler, SVU, how may I help you?"_

"_It's me Elliot. She's getting worse quickly. Too quickly," I wiped my eyes under my glasses and leaned against the wall._

_I heard an exasperated sigh from the other phone line. I held my head in my free hand and sniffled quietly, closing my eyes. "I think this is it, El. Get everyone here as fast as possible." I hit the end button and shoved my phone into my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes, walking back into the desolate, silent room._

_**I'll never let you go away…**_

_**I'll keep you here,**_

_**When I…**_

_Your body was shaking even more violently than usual. I furrowed my eyebrows and hurried over to your hospital bed. My eyes grew huge as you stopped shaking, your heavy breathing quitting altogether. I bit my lip hard, drawing blood as I settled my head delicately against your chest, trying desperately to find your heartbeat. It wasn't there. All I heard was silence._

_I heard the low thud of running footsteps getting closer and closer to your door. Suddenly the door was opened hastily; a few nurses crowded the room, pushing me aside as they studied over your body for any signs of life. _

_I rubbed my forehead roughly, watching them towering over your empty body. The nurse you liked to talk to--the only one who let you call her by her first name, Linda--turned toward me and shook her head solemnly, her big green eyes clouded with grief and sadness._

_**Life's a b----!**_

_**It takes what you love **_

_**And throws it all away…**_

_**But I know you are with them,**_

_**Out there…**_

_A scream lodged in my throat, threatening to erupt in the silent, melancholy room. I backed myself into the corner, sliding down the wall until I felt the cold hard floor under me. I brought up my knees, hiding my face and tears from the sympathetic nurses that were still buzzing swiftly around your recently deceased body. Only one cared to comfort me; she crouched down next to me and pulled me into her arms, "I'm so sorry for your loss, honey."_

_**I can't take the choices that we make**_

_**It could be me with you…**_

_**It could be me with you!**_

_I had buried into her as close as possible and started rocking frantically; deep, hard sobs escaping my lips. I reached from out of her constricting arms to claw at my wrist roughly with my sharp fingernails. How dare you leave me…you know how I get when I'm sad…you know…knew; I remember correcting myself as I peeked over the nurse's shoulder at your limp body through glassy blue eyes._

_**How was I supposed to know**_

_**That'd be your final moment.**_

_**I would have never let you go.**_

_**When I would have known, **_

_**That'd be your final breath that night.**_

_**I'd never let you go.**_

_**I would never…**_

_**I could never…**_

_**I will never let you go!**_

_**I would never…**_

_**I could never…**_

_**I will never forget you!**_

_And you were gone forever._

_**I would never…**_

_**I could never…**_

_**Oh my god, the choices that we make!**_

_**I would never…**_

_**I could never…**_

_**I…will…never…let…you…go!**_

_**Well, there's 80 reasons why**_

_**I could never forget you!**_

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sorry i've been MIA for awhile...the computer at home totally crashed so we had to wait to get a new one then went through a horrible break-up that i do not wanna think about ever again. All I know is i'll try to be more consistent with updating stories but i'm totally not promising anything cos of tough times atm. thank some people for that.


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